I am a foot. This is a weird thing to say but let me
explain. Everyone is good at different stuff. Some people are good at leading,
some good at challenging and others good at doing the work in the background.
There’s some verses in the bible that talk about us all being part of the body.
Some of us are eyes or lips or hands or feet. Well, I know that I am a foot.
I am foot for a host of reasons but it’s important to know
that it has taken thousands of dollars of therapy, tons of stepwork in my
recovery community and SO many tears to realize it. I came to seminary ahead of
the game in this respect. I knew, without a doubt, that I am a foot. I may not
know what I want to be when I’m done (preacher, chaplain or Phd student) but I
know that whatever I decide to do it will be done in the fashion of the foot.
After all, I am a foot!
In my opinion a foot does many things. A foot takes the body
where it needs to go. Sometimes it
takes the body where it wants to go.
For the most part though it takes the body somewhere. Sometimes the foot stomps
and makes noise and sometimes it tiptoes. Depending on the culture the foot may
need lots of protection like socks and shoes or snowboots or it may just need a
nice light sandal. Feet can stink; they can be seen as annoying and a little
gross. And if the foot is hurting the entire body will be completely aware of
that shit because they body won’t tend to get very far.
This is because a foot, while often pushing the body to go
to new and scary places, is still really sensitive. This is why it often needs
socks and shoes and protection from the hard ground. I am all of these things-
this is why I am a great foot and a terrible hand and an even worse set of
eyes. I don’t look where I am going, I need protection almost constantly but I
am really really talented at taking people to places they don’t want to go. I
challenge the status quo, I move the body and when I try not too I just become
restless and agitated. No one, I repeat, no one wants agitated feet.
I’ve been challenged by a few professors both in undergrad
and graduate school to be more like a hand. You see, hands are socially
acceptable and they’re good at making points and people can see them and not
feel weirded out by them. Hands are really good for convincing people, in nice
ways, to do what the hand thinks they should and not make people uncomfortable
doing it. Hands and feet usually need to work together to really get the body
moving. I tend to work well with hands and it is when I’m working with hands
that I get the body to move better. If hands are reaching out then it makes it
easy for the feet to simply move the body in the same direction.
The problem though is that professors and administration of
schools and churches and recovery meetings would prefer me to be a hand. I am
not a hand. I’m not so good with caring if I’m socially acceptable, I don’t
really have an affinity for playing good politics and don’t particularly care
if people (on the whole) really even like me- as long as they respect me. As a
foot, the caress and gentle touch aren’t really my forte- kicking doors down or
pushing the body to jog just a little further? That I am good at. It is why I’m
a very good foot and a very awful hand. As opposed to a lot of people who are
still trying to figure out what part they play in the body, I have known for a
long time now exactly what I am.
That doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot to learn. It doesn’t
mean I don’t need to be challenged and it doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to
allow myself, as a foot, to grow or change my shoes. It does mean though, that
I will not be hand and I won’t be a mouth and I won’t be anything else that
people ask me to be. Because, if you haven’t figured it out already, I am a
foot.
I’m good at marching and I’m good at taking the body to war.
I’m good at stomping and creating attention for what the body should do next.
I’m great at dancing and moving the body in a way that is incredible and that
can do great things but I am better, always better at these things when I work
with the hands and the knees and the rest of the body. It is so important for
me to be a foot. Sometimes I kinda hate it though. The foot is often so far
away from the rest of the body and it’s annoying to be the thing that gets
things moving- sometimes I just want to be a long for the ride.
But the ride gets boring and before long I put my feet back
on the ground because it is what I know how to do and I do it well. The rest of
the body sometimes gets annoyed with me; they’d rather linger a little bit
longer or they’d rather not go to places that seem a bit scary or different or
new. But as a foot, this is what I do and this is how I know how to live and
this is where my talent lies. So the next time a boss, professor or friend
tries to get me to be a hand I’m going to do my best and remind them that I am
and always will be a foot.
