A year ago today I was boarded and several hours into a 12 hour flight that would take me to Thailand. God.. was it a year ago already? I was in the midst of upheaval and fear and hope and thought I knew what the next year of my life was going to look like. I was in the midst of change and self discovery. I was in the beginning of finding out exactly what i was capable of... and I was capable of great things.
Thailand wasn't easy for me. I was sick a lot and the stress of a new environment, a failed relationship and a new way of living recovery were all playing heavily on me. But they were good and I was getting through them. I cried a lot and meditated at pagodas more. I stood on top of mountains over looking vast rice paddies and prayed with monks. I voiced frustrations and anger at the local thai officials while battling bathroom disasters at my home in the countryside of North Thailand. I played with kids at the children's home and learned how to communicate my needs at the organization I worked for. Warm Heart provided much more than a volunteer opportunity-- they provided me a life opportunity.
Funny how I look back now and realize that my short time there ended up being an experience that probably helped me more than I helped anyone there. Life can be funny that way. On October 3... in a flurry of emotions and fear I flew home to be with my family. My brother was sick. That day was pivotal-- with the help of the girls volunteering with me my stuff was packed, my ticket purchased and I was on my way. Those two girls will forever be imbedded in my mind-- they made one of the worst days of my life easier. I was not alone. I tearfully told my friend Divya goodbye-- she was on holiday in South Thailand. And in a few short hours I boarded my flight to Georgia to circle the wagons and show up where I was needed most: home.
But back to a year ago today. A year ago today I was a recent college graduate with dreams of changing the world. I pined for a decent relationship just as another failed attempt crumbled in front of me. I had a sponsor 13000 miles away and I had no sponcees. My credit was shot, all I had were funds I raised to go over seas and all I owned in the world fit into two suitcases and three plastic tubs which were in my best friend's attic in Pennsylvania. I'd sold my car to raise money, given away 60% of my stuff and was invested in doing something different.
A year later. I now work in a field completely opposite of my degree and have no real desire to pursue my masters (this after getting into Princeton and Emory for grad school). I only desire to create great change in myself. I am in the most amazing relationship-- he is the kind of man I'd always hoped I could attract and am forever grateful I have. My sponsor live two miles down the street and I have 8 sponcees.. 6 of which call me on a regular basis. I have money in a savings account, work full time and while I have yet to buy a car-- I will be a homeowner in one week's time. One. Week's. Time. What I own could not fit in those suitcases and my dog, Todd, has warmed my heart. I lost my brother and yet, in the last year I have found my life. The mercy in it all still overwhelms me.
I will not pretend to know where I will be a year from now. What I do know is that if I am even half as happy as I am right this moment it will be a good year. A very good year indeed.
