Pushing through the Sludge.

Self motivation for extended periods of time isn't always easy.  Being self-motivated in a nation where culture moves at a snails pace and there's an established sense of time-- Thai Time can sometimes be a little rough.  Thai time, in an acute sense, is about 15 minutes to half an hour late for everything.  In an obtuse sense, Thai time is weeks and months late.  Basically, I just have to get used to nothing happening when I want it to. So what it comes down to is that I can enjoy the way things are and laugh off the delays and my American way of charging through OR I can allow the sludge of cultural differences take over and leave me incapacitated.

The sludge of doom (as I like to call it) is the sludge that keeps you unproductive.  It causes you to give up before you begin because you perceive that things won't go your way.  Reality is that one must push through the sludge and do things even though they won't go your way... you just HAVE to.  If you don't push through the ickyness no one else will.  This is partly about growing up-- there is no mommy or daddy to fight off the inner demons anymore of self defeat and procrastination.  There is no one behind you telling you that you gotta do your homework.  This is you realizing that pushing through the sludge on your own is good for you.  That when you come out the other side you will be better for it.

So what causes this sludge to occur? Specifically for me, in Thailand it is caused by the mixing of american ideals and thai realities.  You cannot move fast here-- period. Get used to it.  Occasionally you will get home from your run and find the water not working-- deal with it.  Your schedule will rarely stick to its organized state of checks, balances and to do lists-- thats just how it rolls here.  There will always be another layer of a project you didn't forsee, another meeting you must attend, another budget you must find the money for and another concept you didn't want to have to deal with before you can accomplish your goal.  But that doesn't mean the goal won't be accomplished-- it just means it will take a little longer than expected to get there. 

The objective is not to keep pushing through the sludge so that you can get to the other side.  The objective is to enjoy the time in the sludge while you keep pushing through it so that you don't burn out when you get to the other side.  The objective is acceptance. The objective is finding peace even when things aren't going the way you expected.

Oh the things you learn on the way to learning other things.