I don't do Nature.

I hate cliches. I use them all the time. Home is where the heart is. Annoying. True.

In the last few weeks I've finished up a lot of grad school applications that ask "permanent address" it makes me laugh.  Seriously? I haven't had a permanent address beyond my college address since 2008.  Before that I moved every six months.  I counted once-- I've lived in 26 houses in 27 years.  So when any application asks me what my permanent address is I laugh.  When someone asks me where "I'm from" I usually respond with "Well, thats a long story. I mean.. I was born in Texas.. is that what you mean?" 

There are a lot of preacher's kids and army brats out there that can relate.  I'm a nomad and always have been.  I think about settling down somewhere and I get a little anxious.  I'm not sure how to sit still and I'm not quite sure if I want to yet.

When it comes to Thailand home is, for me, not comfortable.  But that doesn't make it any less home.  In my house we have an air conditioner we don't use because its effin' expensive. Its hot, humid and lovely.  The "kitchen" is a room at the back of the house with a fridge, a shelf, dishes and a wooden table like thing that has a burner on it and a wall that leaks every time it rains. Thats it. Long gone are the days of mad baking or extensive kitchen space. I'm learning to cook on a whole different level.  Now, you should be asking yourself, what about the kitchen sink?!  And I would reply "oh, well, thats outside the back door."  Thats right ladies and gentleman the sink is outside. 

Now I want to clarify for a moment that by Thai standards my house is absolutely wonderful and beautifully tiled.  Reality is that I love it immensly.  I like having my own space out in the country far and away from the city life of chiang mai. Whenever I go into the city for the weekend and have my air conditioning, american food and night life I'm still ready to be back in Phrao by Sunday night.  This does not mean Phrao is comfortable but its getting more comfortable by the day.

So let me explain why the outside sink is so pivotal in my life.  I regularly proclaim that "I don't do nature."  This is an absolutely true statement.  I don't like the great outdoors for any extended period of time.  I don't like hiking. Camping or "roughing it" doesn't make any sense to me.  Being uncomfortable for no reason beyond "enjoying it" doesn't compute with this Pastor's Kid who was raised in middle suburbia.  So living in a home in north thailand where I must constantly fight back the ants, wash my dishes in the heat outside where I now gingerly move the snails so they don't die and continuously must wash away the algea is a bit abnormal. But the sink is pivotal.

You see, being uncomfortable may not make sense to me but being uncomfortable so that i have an opportunity to help other people is completely acceptable and even enjoyable.  I'm going to say it again that the sink is pivotal.  When I first got to thailand I would go out to the sink to wash things and run inside squealing because of a new bug infestation or I'd wash all the dishes except for the cups that had snails crawling in them.  Etc etc etc.  Now, here almost three months (which is crazy to me) I've become semi-pro at doing the dishes outside.  I swat off the ginormous black ants without a second thought, I gingerly but gently detach snails from cups and bowls and place them on the ground where they can run free and i routinely have a conversation with the geckos on the wall in front of me.  I sweat like a cow in heat, get the dishes done and then lay down in my overheated room while eating frosted flakes.  Lovely, just lovely.

Nothing about Thailand has changed since I arrived.  The bugs are just as bad, the heat is still pretty pervasive and the mosquitoes have not stopped biting.  My uncomfortability with the nature around me however has begun to dissipate.  After all, this isn't nature, this is my home and my heart is right here in the middle of it all.