The Problems that Plauge Us: How to Address the Consequences of Cultural Action

Friday and today (being Monday) have been filled with meetings with Mr. Manat (f you’re wondering who that is… read my last blog).  Mr. Manat has now affectionately started calling me Fa-Mui.  The Fa-Mui is a rare orchid, which only grows in the northern region of Thailand.  The orchid needs the right amount of heat and coolness along with moisture that only these mountains seem to produce.  I find this prophetic in a way…  but I digress.

Friday and Monday have been full of meetings.  Friday was much less successful than today.  It was one of those “Thai” days where you have a million things to do and one gets done.  Or half of one.  We got to the town building at 9am on Friday expecting a meeting/conference with other people from Chiang Rai. The problem? Major thunderstorms.  This is not such a big deal for us in America but when you put major thunderstorms (I’m talking torrential down pour) and two lane highways which run along side major river tributaries you have major issues.  By 11:30 the people from Chiang Rai had finally arrived.  And, after a lot of translation, we realized that the people (including Mr. Manat) there along with the people from Chiang Rai were akin to social workers back in the states.

Now this is warm and cozy.  We have social workers meeting to find out how to run better programs for the people in their district.  The kicker? Mr. Manat’s office is completely volunteer based.  Meaning, Mr. Manat and his staff volunteer their time to the youth, elderly, disabled and misfortunate people in the Phrao district in order to ensure their community is a better one.  Until that point, I had no idea. 

Back to the meeting… I actually have no recollection of what happened that day.  They arrived by 11:30 and promptly decided that lunch was in order (which for me was inedible) and then at 12:30ish the meeting (which was supposed to begin at 9) finally started.  They talked about programs and showed a few videos, which PJ dutifully translated (sort of… we were all extremely exhausted from doing nothing all day) and by 2pm we called it a day and left early.

Today was much more productive and timely.  Today was a conference for all the local district (and sub district and sub sub district) leaders.  The conference was on awareness of children’s rights and the problems that plague our district and what might be done to solve these problems—it was much more up our alley and I was able to find out an amazing number of statistics. 

For example, it is estimated that over half of the Thai population has been abused either physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually at some point in there life.  OVER HALF.  It is estimated that over half (54%) of the female population has been molested, raped, sexually abused or forced into sexual labor.  HALF. These numbers include those women forced into the sex trade (most of which come from the hill tribes.. the people that warm heart specifically works with).  In comparison, it is estimated that 25% of women in the united states are sexually abused or molested by the age of 18.  It is no wonder that such a large part of the population resorts to alcohol and drug abuse to escapte the horror. 

Whats more, physical abuses are rampant.  Many “punishments” are achaic and while they were made illegal decades ago people in these districts were either unaware or didn’t care.  The new government is changing how things are done—seminars like the one we were at today told us what these kids were and how parents who practice these abuses (which include caning and burning) could and would be punished.  They talked about the culture to “hide” it from local authorities in order to protect a family’s “good name” and how this should not be done.  Kids have rights. 

Beyond that they talked about how the youth in this area find ways to escape (no small wonder they do) into a world of drugs, alcohol, video games (internet cafes with gaming has become HUGE in this area of the world), sex and motorbike racing.  One guy, a 20 year old kid, was there to represent the youth council in his village.  He told us that he would be our advocate and talk to youth in each village getting leaders in each one (11 in all) to speak with us about the problems facing youth in each village.  Together, with the help of the Thai people who are motivated for change we can address the consequences of such abuses and walk the kids and youth through a program that teaches them a better way to live.

Just before going into the seminar Mr. Manat asked me “Do you think this program will really work?” And I was humbled that he asked me such a question.  Why would I know? But I answered anyway “If we show them how to be good neighbors by example and teach addicted kids how to stay clean—then they can help their friends stay clean.  I think it can work if we teach them how to help each other.  We need to help them find the Buddha within and to show their friends the Buddha within themselves… if we do that… I think it can work.”  And for a moment Mr. Manat seemed relieved.  More will be revealed.

Laying the Foundation: Hell has an Exit

In Thailand its rarely what you know that gets you ahead… its WHO you know.  Warm Heart has made connections in the local government and we have people on our board who are able to connect up with the people, programs and facilities we need in order to complete whatever project we happen to be workin on that the moment.

For me, the project is working with youth in the Phrao area who have been caught with drugs or abusing alcohol.  99% of these kids will be adjudicated to a “recovery” program (which compared to the states is a joke) and have to check in with certain teachers at school, a nurse once a week for a drug test at the hospital and one of the local officials.  These students do not trust their parents, don’t trust these resources and rarely talk about whats really going on with themselves. 

Hand in hand with drugs and drinking is heavy smoking and a lot of unprotected sexual intercourse.  Condoms are something that are often too “embarrassing” to use and as a result teen pregnancy and STD’s are running rampant in the northern country side. None of these issues are being addressed and because of the already participating in high risk behavior with drug and alcohol it is almost guaranteed that they're having unprotected sex as well.

There’s little education about any of these issues and many of the people trying to help these kids don’t give them an opportunity to simply talk about what’s going on but rather use the law to keep them in line.  Anyone with an a past in addictions or a family member who’s an alcoholic or addict knows how rarely the law works—or if it does how rare it continues to work for the long term.  Luckily for us we have a few progressive thinkers who are in prime spots for leadership in Phrao that are invested in the Warm Heart cause.

Mr. Manat is the man to know.  If you want to get anything done he knows the most, interacts the most people and is considered the smartest dude in Phrao.  He is at ever major ceremony (they love ceremonies around here) for every school, public office and major store that opens in Phrao.  He holds some obscure position in the local government building but even PJ (our ever present translator extroadinair) isn’t sure how to explain what Mr. Manat does or what he’s exactly in charge of.  Regardless, Mr. Manat has been working with the local teenagers for a while now that have been adjudicated due to drug use and abuse.

In order to get anything done Warm Heart needed to first approach Mr. Manat.  This youth program is his baby and the people of this community trust him.  Trust, for kids who have been abused by the local legal system is hard to come by in these parts.  So that’s what we did on Tuesday. We sat down with Mr. Manat and talked about what we hoped to address and how we hoped to address it.  He was polite if not indifferent.  They seemed pleasant and I sensed a stand offishness about this American girl who doesn’t speak thai trying to help kids not do drugs.

I looked over at PJ and said “Can you tell them that I have a lot of experience working with people who have done drugs in the past.  Tell them that I’ve helped them stay away from drugs and know some ways that we can help the kids stay away from them too.” PJ dutifully translated and as he was saying it Mr. Manat’s eyes lit up.  I wasn’t some hopeful American with no training and no understanding of what these kids had been through.  I knew what I was doing (regardless of my horrible thai) and I understood what needed to be done.

He quickly launched into Thai about needing to gain their trust, starting fun things for them to do as well and to talking to each one individually so that we can understand what they need. He spoke of how we need to become “their neighbor and friend” not just “the law”.  I have to tell you, for a Thai man who is elderly these are INSANE concepts.  I couldn’t believe that he had such a grasp on what these kids were really needing: someone who cared enough to listen.  He quickly told PJ he would get us access so when they do home visits we can go with them and that we’d start with a smaller group (I found out later that “small” is 30… which is not small!!).  All of a sudden we are working with the top leader in youth drug rehabilitation in northern Thailand.  Now, lets be honest… there isn’t much competition but tomorrow we’re going to a training as he teaches staff from Chiang Rai and Mai Sai on how to interact with youth without involving the law.  He will teach them how to be their neighbor instead of their authority: A novel concept for such an authority driven society.

I broached the idea of talking about life issues in groups and allowing students to voice what might be bothering them each day or each time our program met… he seemed confused by this-- how could them talking to each other help them? Yet he remained open to the idea that something different might actually work.  All in all, the meeting went amazingly well.  He even directed us to the specific teacher at the high school who taught most of these particular kids and asked us to go speak with her to gain support and find out what else the kids might be doing or participating in that was harmful.  She is STOKED about the program and is more than willing to help survey the students to see what other issues they may have as well.

We are laying the foundation for something good and life changing.  Perhaps the youth will look at our attempts as insane and laugh us out of Phrao.  But something tells me that if we treat these kids like our equals or as Mr. Manat says “our neighbor” and give them the love and attention they’ve desperately needed—we will and can create change in this little corner of the world.  There is a solution and hell does indeed have an exit-- now if we can just show it to them we'll be in business.

The Volunteer Revolving Door

The ever-changing landscape of volunteers is like a revolving door at a busy store.  People come and people go and each one contributes and takes away something very special to the family that Warm Heart can often be.  They come from all walks of life, states and other countries, they come from universities and colleges and they come as the wayward traveler looking for a place to call a temporary home.

They focus on everything from medical treatment and hearing tests to microenterprise and teaching English.  They work with Hill Tribes, develop a coffee planting initiative, work on PR and develop concepts and paperwork to help streamline the volunteer process.  The volunteers at Warm Heart often wear many hats and do a hundred things and are still able to be apart of my experience here in Thailand.

The three people that really had an impression on me were Antonia, Patrick and Mel. 

Antonia is one of those med students from Ireland that goes to school in Scotland (or is the other way around? I can’t remember now) that is tomboyish and frank.  Her personalility is one that naturally flows with mine.  My abrupt nature doesn’t freak her out.  She’s the type of atheist that can have an hour conversation with me about it and never once try and convince me that there isn’t no god.  She’s the type that takes comfort in the void that follows death.  In many ways I find this admirable—in many ways I find this sad—she was quite fine with that.  She been gone for almost a week now and really I only knew her a few days but I miss not having the opportunity to know her better.

Patrick is one of the funniest and mature 19 year olds I have ever met.  From UNC and southern at heart he has a charm about him that makes you immediately trust and like him.  He language skills are incredible and he would routinely take fruits, vegetables and peppers out of his pocket to munch on.  He was the kinda guy that worked his ass of, exercised and still had the time to have fun and enjoy himself.  He was a pleasure to work with and one of those people that you hope you one day cross paths with again.

Mel was my beloved little room mate for a week (her last week at warm heart actually).  Mel eased me into the house share situation with sweet grace—I mean she seriously handled me the first two days I quit smoking AND put up with my silly antics of stir fried bacon and cabbage (actually its super good).  It was a pleasure being able to tell her about who I was and what made me tick and to talk about life, love and other mysteries.  Her emotional self and mine seemed to coexist together quite nicely and I was blessed to have her as my roomie (even if it was for just one week). 

We welcomed Divya yesterday and it’s a blessing to know she’ll be here for 10 months.  Seeing and meeting new people is nice but having some consistency has its benefits as well.  Me and Divya will be getting out $3.00 massages today after work and just hanging out with each other.  Sometimes it’s the best way.  As always our normal thai staff is present and accounted for and the adventure continues.

A Day In the Life.

Adventures in Thailand never cease to amaze me.  The best thing about living out in the country side is the few parallels that occur between the country of Northern Thailand and the country landscape of Georgia and North Carolina.  For example, when a stranger breaks down in front of your country store they not only check on you they proceed to fix your bike. 

Let me explain, after coming back from Chiang Mai yesterday I stopped by the office to pick up my bike (about 7 kilometers from Phrao) Hank to take him home so I’d have him to ride in the next morning.  We get on the highway and for whatever reason after only about kilometer my bike started slowing down and wouldn’t pop into gear.  I puttered by a little country store and finally pulled off the road just past it.  Stumped I pulled out my phone to call PJ (our local translator and handy man) when a nice looking (but completely obliteratingly drunk) man comes up to me. He hopped on the bike and tried to crank the engine twice. 

Now, I’m just standing there in shock. A drunk Thai man who’s no taller than I am is trying to start my bike.  I hurriedly call PJ.  The man hops off, after not being able to start and crosses his arms like he’s thinking.  He grunts and walks off—my keys in hand. 

PJ picks up the phone. “Um.. PJ my bike stopped working and this drunk guy.. well it looks like he’s trying to fix it but he just walked off with my keys..” there was a long pause “Uh, yea, Hannah I’m on my way just hold tight.. don’t let him drive off with the bike.” And with that I hung up.  Two second later my new drunken friend walks over with some sort of tool.  He fiddles with the bike, opens up the gas tanks, does a few more fiddles then puts the keys in and starts the bike with one huge crank.  He hops off and smiles hugely and give me two thumbs up and says “OK!!” 

“Ok” were the only words he said to me.  He staggered off and I called PJ to cancel the rescue mission.  Drunk old man, country store, fixes bike for free and walks off without so much as a conversation… I rode off and made it home before the local Market got to busy.

Upon arriving at the market I ran in to Mel (my current volunteer roommate) and we instantly decided to check out the new Tesco Lotus Express.  The opening of which is akin to a Walmart opening up in rural GA.  The store had been open for less than 24 hours and shelves were becoming bare, there was a line out the door and navigating the store was like figuring your way through back country dirt roads full of pot holes and road kill.  It was good fun seeing what was on sale and discovering bacon (which before you couldn’t get before) and prices were a few cents cheaper than the 7-11.  

Its nice to have another piece of comfort and convenience out in the country side.  But like Walmart, which comes with its advantages and disadvantages, so it is with Tesco.  Tesco provides jobs, truth.  But it pays its workers minimum wages for long hours and routinely puts local shops out of business… meaning after a year in Phrao there will be less people employed than before it arrived.  Tesco provides towns with convenience, truth.  But it comes at a cost—with local stores not being able to compete they will shut down and the local economy actually decreases. 

The only thing that has Tesco beat on price is produce.  The local market supplies fresh fruit and vegetables from local farmers.  A head of cabbage at the market will cost your 5 baht (15 cents) where as the Tesco sells the same cabbage from non local farmers for three times that price (about 14 baht or 42 cents).  Tesco ships it produce (so its not as fresh and uses more gas) and also wraps it in plastic, increasing a carbon foot print and waste in a nation that burns its trash (including plastics). 

Now don’t get me wrong.  Tesco sells bacon.  I will purchase my bacon and other products from there that I would not be able to get in Phrao otherwise.  But for this farang when it comes to my local community and farmers I’ll support the market (and my wallet) by purchasing local.  This enables me to contribute to the economy and people that I’m here to serve to begin with.  Its a good thing.   

Oh, goodbye July.... Hello there August.

July has been a very intense month.  It has held emotional, physical and spiritual ups and downs.  It has also been a process.  The process of adjusting to something new is never easy- adjusting after leaving behind things and people that you love is often so much harder and bittersweet.  But it has been a good month.  It was a month where I’ve learned to grow into my new role at Warm Heart.  Its been a month where I’ve learned to explore and find my niche- finding a favorite place to pray, a new favorite restaurant and a host of other new favorites.  This month has enables obsessions and old feelings to fade simply to allow new and better concepts to take hold. I’m fully aware that even amidst the cloud shrouded mountains of North Thailand that I am not alone and that I am loved and I am loveable.  It’s nice to like myself on so many levels.  A feat that is often hard to accomplish.

I bid July adieu with gratitude.  I welcome in August with a spirit of rebirth and change.  I’ve made the decision to quit smoking (again), to really invest myself in finding a muay thai trainer and to continue my epic runs up the stairs of the pagoda.  It’s high time I invest in myself and take care of myself consistently emotionally, physically and emotionally.  Its something I rarely make time for when I’m in the states and it’s one of my goals while I’m here… to fully embrace myself as human and wonderfully made by my higher power (who, by the way, just absolutely adores me).  August will not be easy.  Quitting smoking comes with it challenges and taking care of myself under that stress is not easy.  But as opposed to looking at the challenges I will instead look at the benefits… for one, I can get up the pagoda steps without wanting to cough up one of my lungs (which would be a very nice change indeed).

Lest we get too spiritual and deep, I have to say that the last day of July brought some frustrations—I left the bag of skittles open last night after seeing a movie and it was invaded by ants.  I’m inclined to eat them anyway (extra protein) but I probably wont.  The benefit is that there was only about half a pound left (out of four) and I still have another four pound bag left….things could always be worse.

Pagoda And the Monk

She woke to the sound of her alarm.  Confused, she hit the snooze button. Where am I? She thought.  Then it hit her.. she was in Thailand and she'd set the alarm early to go to the pagoda.  She grumbled to herself and rolled off her hard wooden bed.  She was hoping the early start meant a better attitude for the day.  She turned off the alarm and walked into her bedroom careful not to wake her room mate.  They were sleeping in the living room where it was cooler and she didn't want to cause a ruckus being up so early.


She got dressed and put on sweat pants and a flannel shirt over her t-shirt.  At 6am the air was still fairly cool and the ever pervading humidity would mean damp air cold air on thirty minutes motorbike ride down to the village where the pagoda was located.  She walked into the kitchen, took a swig of apple juice and thought Its going to be a good day.  This is going to be great. She grabbed her bag, found her keys (which took a little longer than expected), walked quietly through the living room and hopped on her motor bike that she had affectionately named Hank. She revved the engine... it sputtered and died. Great. Damn bike. She revved it again... and a third time and then the motor whined and turned over.  She popped it into first gear and headed out the "driveway".  The drive was a mix of mud and crush porcelain pieces which were there to keep the bikes from getting stuck.


She hit the first road and kicked it into second and then third gear.  She stayed slow through town and smiled at the early risers who were setting up at the local market.  Even riding that slow the air was crisp and she was grateful she had thought to dress warmly.  She took a left, got on the main highway and kicked into top gear.  Her motorbike didn't have speedometer and even if it did she didn't know which signs denoted a speed limit anyway.  Within a few seconds she was driving steadily south with the cool air in her face and the small town of Phrao behind her.  As she drove in the valley she passed rice fields that just seemed to glow they were so green.  The low lying valley was surrounded by mountains and those mountains were shrouded with clouds and fog.  Being here sure has its perks she thought.

The first mountain she needed to get over lay in front of her and as Hank and her began to climb it she went into a misty fog that was so dense it was almost raining.  She crested the mountain and came down the other side zooming out of the fog into the next low lying valley.  The sun was rising over the mountains and the reflection on the still water of the unplanted rice patties was perfection.  She smiled to herself and kept driving.  20 minutes later she passed the white gate dedicated to some famous monk (a story for another day) and slowed, a kilometer down the road she pull over into a grassy yard. 

The pagoda steps came from out of nowhere and swept down the side of the mountain.  The blue dragons which graced the massive railings swooped down and easily chased away the evil spirits from the place.  The staircase and the pagoda itself were ancient but the dragons and the steps had been newly renovated in past years.  The blues, red and yellows were brilliant in the morning sun.  She breathed.  Took a few pictures and started her ascent. 1, 2, 3, 4....  she counted.  She had a small bet that there were over 150 steps. She stopped halfway up and took a breather, the valley lay below her and it seemed so still.  She continued up.. 265, 266, 267. 267 steps!  At the top centered between the dragon railings was the pagoda as old as this place could remember.  A golden Buddha at its center smile peacefully down at her.  To the right there was housing of sorts for the monks who lived there and other buildings surrounded the pagoda-  like some sort of protection from the outside world.

The place was silent and it seemed all the monks had left for morning alms.  So she walked up to the pagoda and sat in front of it and began to pray and meditate. I pray for peace, I pray that I am happy, I pray that I am safe, I pray that I am loved. She said it over and over again- a meditation she had been taught a few weeks ago.  And every time she said it she changed "I" with the name of someone she loved.  It felt like she'd been there forever when she finally stood and saw the monk staring at her inquiringly.  I guess they don't get many white girls praying at the pagoda at 7:30 in the morning. She laughed to herself.  "Sawadii Kaa" she said and she bowed deeply.  The typical Thai greeting made formal for monks with her hands pressed together at her forehead and her bow deep.  "Sawadii Kap" he responded "Do you speak Thai?" she paused "Neetnoi" (very little) he responded "Ahh.. the other monks in town." she smiled "It's ok, I'm here to pray" and sensing what she said he smiled and went on about his business.  She looked at her watch- she thought she'd been there for half an hour... it had been ten minutes. Well, I'll get better at it with time.  Progress before perfection. And with that she walked slowly down the steps, got on her bike and started thinking about breakfast.

Higher Power Mojo Fo Sho

Let me tell you a story.  I'm in Chiang Mai tonight and because I was running late on everything decided to stay in my old guest house just north of the north gate.  Normally, I would have stayed in Seven Suns.  So I headed to the meeting where I met a woman from London. She's just coming back off an anti-climatic "didn't hit bottom" relapse.  She came to Chiang mai to get space in a relationship and get focused.  She said that on coming here she had no intention on coming to meetings until she ran into a woman at the gym from upperstate New York who had 20 years clean that told her it might be a good idea.  So she hit the meeting tonight as well.
     Upon talking after the meeting we realized we were heading in the same direction... had I been at seven suns we'd have departed ways.  So, though she had a bike, she walked with me because the bike didn't have a light on it... otherwise we would have departed ways.  We talked all the way home about all sorts of things.  She told me that she keeps an apartment in Chiang Mai year round but only lives here about three months of the year. 
      At this point I want to interupt my story.  See, I've been really worried about the realization that I need meetings every weekend.  I thought for certain I'd be fine with every other week-- but I am not.  Far from it.  And the CHEAPEST I can stay in Chiang Mai was for about 600 baht a weekend (18 dollars)  but times that by 52 weeks and you see why thats pretty hard core (about 950 bucks plus bus fare).  I knew it wasn't feasable with my budget but I had been pushing it to the back of my mind.  I had decided that I would worry about it in August when I sorted through my budget to figure out what I could really afford.
     **back to story** As we're walking I say "Listen, I know you might nto be up for it and if not I want you to know its perfectly ok... BUT if you want to cut expenses at all do you think you'd want to rent your apartment to me for the weekends when you're not here?" and her reply was "Oh my goodness! That would be just perfect! What about 1000 baht a month? Is that too much?"  In one sweet moment my expenses went from $950 to $390!!!!!  What was seemingly impossible was provided for.  And both of us needed the break.  After leaving her beautiful one room apartment this evening it was all I could do to not just sob and hit my knees in the middle of the street (the cockraoches were a prevenetive but god understands).  My GOD! How great though art!  I was humming that hymn allll the way home.  It was so powerful. 
       The reality is that my higher power's mojo has been hittin me up left and right.  I am constantly reminded that I am well taken care of.  A week ago after waking up feeling desperately lonely after having horrible dreams I walked out and found a friend in the fellowship in my guest house restaurant.  We then rode to the morning meeting together-- and I wasn't alone and I was cared for.
         One afternoon after feeling defeated and emotionally spent I came home and had one the most hilarious and uplifting conversations with a friend I met while visiting a seminary last year via facebook.  It was the moment I realized that this trip was never intended to be easy and there were people out there who fully understood and were more than willing to be present for me.
         The day my computer got fried-- I was sobbing in my apartment not sure how to even cope with such a loss... two seconds after the tears started my dear friend Dave (who lives in Phrao and is also in the fellowship) rang to see if I wanted to have dinner.  He heard me crying and came over right away, picked me up, bought me dinner and reminded me that it was not the end of the world.  It would be alright.
        I want to stress that transitioning to Thailand has been far from easy.  My stomach problems, relationship problems, computer issues, and government delays have hit me from every direction.  And EVERY single time I felt as though I just couldnt push myself over another mountain God gave me the gift of having people carry me the rest of the way.  This is not easy but it is simple.  When you are in the will of your higher power it will not always be easy but it will always be sweet.  It will be exhausting but there are these amazing moments of peace and respite that reminds you how fully loved and fully wonderful your God finds you.  If nothing else amazing happens in the next year it would be alright-- The last few weeks have been enough to remind me that my will would get me nowhere and my God's will gets me everywhere.  Lets be honest though-- it only gets better from here.