Upon talking after the meeting we realized we were heading in the same direction... had I been at seven suns we'd have departed ways. So, though she had a bike, she walked with me because the bike didn't have a light on it... otherwise we would have departed ways. We talked all the way home about all sorts of things. She told me that she keeps an apartment in Chiang Mai year round but only lives here about three months of the year.
At this point I want to interupt my story. See, I've been really worried about the realization that I need meetings every weekend. I thought for certain I'd be fine with every other week-- but I am not. Far from it. And the CHEAPEST I can stay in Chiang Mai was for about 600 baht a weekend (18 dollars) but times that by 52 weeks and you see why thats pretty hard core (about 950 bucks plus bus fare). I knew it wasn't feasable with my budget but I had been pushing it to the back of my mind. I had decided that I would worry about it in August when I sorted through my budget to figure out what I could really afford.
**back to story** As we're walking I say "Listen, I know you might nto be up for it and if not I want you to know its perfectly ok... BUT if you want to cut expenses at all do you think you'd want to rent your apartment to me for the weekends when you're not here?" and her reply was "Oh my goodness! That would be just perfect! What about 1000 baht a month? Is that too much?" In one sweet moment my expenses went from $950 to $390!!!!! What was seemingly impossible was provided for. And both of us needed the break. After leaving her beautiful one room apartment this evening it was all I could do to not just sob and hit my knees in the middle of the street (the cockraoches were a prevenetive but god understands). My GOD! How great though art! I was humming that hymn allll the way home. It was so powerful.
The reality is that my higher power's mojo has been hittin me up left and right. I am constantly reminded that I am well taken care of. A week ago after waking up feeling desperately lonely after having horrible dreams I walked out and found a friend in the fellowship in my guest house restaurant. We then rode to the morning meeting together-- and I wasn't alone and I was cared for.
One afternoon after feeling defeated and emotionally spent I came home and had one the most hilarious and uplifting conversations with a friend I met while visiting a seminary last year via facebook. It was the moment I realized that this trip was never intended to be easy and there were people out there who fully understood and were more than willing to be present for me.
The day my computer got fried-- I was sobbing in my apartment not sure how to even cope with such a loss... two seconds after the tears started my dear friend Dave (who lives in Phrao and is also in the fellowship) rang to see if I wanted to have dinner. He heard me crying and came over right away, picked me up, bought me dinner and reminded me that it was not the end of the world. It would be alright.
I want to stress that transitioning to Thailand has been far from easy. My stomach problems, relationship problems, computer issues, and government delays have hit me from every direction. And EVERY single time I felt as though I just couldnt push myself over another mountain God gave me the gift of having people carry me the rest of the way. This is not easy but it is simple. When you are in the will of your higher power it will not always be easy but it will always be sweet. It will be exhausting but there are these amazing moments of peace and respite that reminds you how fully loved and fully wonderful your God finds you. If nothing else amazing happens in the next year it would be alright-- The last few weeks have been enough to remind me that my will would get me nowhere and my God's will gets me everywhere. Lets be honest though-- it only gets better from here.
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