I want to be transparent about what is
going on with my school. It is so easy to be passive aggressive or even
manipulative in social media. Instead, I want to tell the story factually, to
the best of my ability, to gauge support and garner understanding. With that
said there will be times that I'm snarky in this explanation- pardon me but I'm
a wee bit resentful.
Last year, as I began my second year of
my masters program at Columbia Theological Seminary, I realized that there was
a requirement that would be difficult for me to fulfill. The requirement is
called “Explorations” and this requirement is usually a two-week intensive
course that is done in a group setting. It is often done abroad in other
countries but there are several within the United States, including one in
Atlanta, that takes place during the day but you are able to go home at night.
I want to stress that this is a
REQUIREMENT. You cannot graduate from the program at this school without doing
it. I also want to stress that when I applied to this school this requirement
was not made clear and upon looking at the school catalog (to ensure that I had
not just somehow missed it) I verified nothing in the description states it
must be done in a group (meaning that it could feasibly be done as an
independent study). However, the school is standing by the fact that it must be
done as a group and an independent study is not allowed. Regardless,
communication to the student about the requirements was not effective and so I
came into the program without realizing this would be necessary.
Realizing this requirement last year I
knew I had a problem. See, I’m breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is uber important
to me for a variety of reasons. It is good for my health (it reduces the risk
of breast cancer by a large amount) and it is good for my Wee Steven’s health
(he is less likely to get colds, ear infections and all other kinds of
illnesses and it is proven that formula babies have a lower IQ… true story). So
I’m exclusively breastfeeding and my son will be 10 months old at the time I’m
required to take the class.
“10 months old?! How long are you going
to boob that kid?” you might say. Well, full term breastfeeding is defined as
at LEAST two years by the W.H.O. and they recommend this type of breastfeeding.
Even if I abided by the American Pediatric Association’s recommendation it
would still mean breastfeeding for AT LEAST a year. And when I take the class
Steven will obviously be younger than that.
There is a pumping option. Obviously.
I’ve heard that a ton too- “Can’t you just pump?” and yes, I can pump. Sorta.
See I need a safe space to do it. Pumping isn’t, for me, as easy as putting the
baby on the boob. It takes meditation (I have to focus on a picture of my kid
for the milk to really flow), time and electricity (as I need a powerful pump
for my brand of boobs). I need a room that locks, that is relatively quiet,
that has plugs and isn’t on a toilet (for sanitation reasons). While these
needs are not impossible they are doable says my school. I think, in part, my
professor whose wife full term breastfed both children is responsible for
making sure such provisions could be guaranteed.
So what the hell is my issue? Why have
I not resolved to do this requirement since provisions have been put in place
to pump so that I can feed my kid? Why am I still frustrated, angry and
annoyed? Why can’t I just let it go?
In every developed country except for
the United States there are strict provisions for the breastfeeding mom. There
is recognition on how difficult the process is and how important it is to both
the mother and the child. By making the process more difficult the school is
effectively saying that my long term health and the long-term health of my
child is not as important as an arbitrary requirement. Additionally, I need to
point out that this is a Christian Seminary that touts family values and the
need to practice Creation Care. CREATION CARE. Breastfeeding is the original
care of creation, the oldest version and yet they hinder the process. They make
it more difficult and when it was brought to their attention there has been
resistance all the way.
To their credit, they did offer a
course that was more congruent to the breastfeeding experience. After much
talk, committees and getting students motivated to create change a part time summer
long course was offered that would only be four hours a day. The offer though
was doomed to fail. If one takes the course, no other summer courses can be
taken which means that a student is left with two options: 1) graduate late OR
2) take MORE courses the next semester in order to make up the course. The
first is usually financially unviable for most students and the second option
is ludicrous as the whole reason for taking the summer course is to lighten the
amount of time away from the family.
Additionally, the “option” that the school provided meant
that a student could not be full time in the summer. So while the class itself
is covered through financial assistance no other financial aid (ie loans) could
be used over the summer. So the school is saying you CANNOT take any other
classes but because you CAN’T take other classes you also can’t get loans to
live on… which most of us do. Sooooooo….. to use this “option” you have to
graduate late or have a heavy semester AND you have to be able to live while
not working AND not getting any student loans. Pardon me if I don’t find that
option very appealing. Or appealing at all. Needless to say I was the only
student who signed up for the course. So then it was canceled (because
no independent studies remember) and now they are again requiring me
to take the full two-week intensive course.
I’m grateful for the priviledge and ability to be able to
pursue a master’s degree, and especially to be able to do so while having a
family. However, I should be able to do so without sacrificing the health of my
child. A Christian school that claims to be family friendly needs to be willing
to help come up with solutions. Real solutions. Not half assed solutions that
nobody will use because they’re useless.
So right, maybe its not an issue that they’ve come across
very often, but it is a real life issue. Like I’m seriously leaking out my
boobs right now as I type. So it might be only about me at this moment, but in
the future it won’t be. And maybe there are woman out there who are currently
being kept away from a higher education or kept away from motherhood because of
the difficulties associated with doing them together. And that’s dumb and not
okay damn it. Not. Okay.
It’s true that with the provision of a
place to pump feeding my child breast milk could be possible; yet, it will be
difficult. More than likely my wee one will reverse cycle (meaning sleep more
during the day to make up the time away from me by staying awake more at night
to eat and be social with mom), it will also mean my supply will dip by the end
of the week and the weekends will need to be spent feeding to ensure a supply that
is stabilized by Monday. It is not impossible but it is inconvenient and not
just for me but for my infant as well. Frustratingly so.
How do I, as a woman, deal with this
issue? Do I take this major inconvenience with a shrug and move on? Do I
concede and simply deal with the cards that I’m being dealt as a breastfeeding
mother trying to gain an education? Must I be grateful that I have the
opportunity to get an education at all and so move forward like so many women
before me? When do we as women acknowledge that this is bullshit, oppressive
and misogynist (there won’t be any men who need to lactate during this class
will there)? When do we say enough is enough and demand that the inconvenience
change because we know how important our children AND our education are? When
do we tell our institutions that we are holding them to a higher standard? HUH?
When??
Breastfeeding is the healthiest
decision I can make for my son and for myself and yet there are a thousand
obstacles in the way. I’m not even facing the stark reality of many women in
the workforce and I’m this upset. So there’s that.
I’m not sure what my next course of
action will be. I’m praying about it. Taking my time. I am trying to ensure
that any action I take is not one of anger but of rational decision making that
is based in logical sense (try doing that with hormones surging btw… not an
easy task damn it). But I know that this requirement is unacceptable. I know
that this “inconvenience” makes the breastfeeding relationship that much harder
to maintain. I know that this requirement was established when the vast
majority of those attending the school were male, white, middle upper class
people and because of that I know that I cannot simply let it fade. This is not
just about MY breastfeeding relationship this is about women wanting to achieve
a masters degree who also want to feel safe and supported in making a very
difficult decision. It’s more than me.
