I'm awake and three in the morning because jetlag blows. I'm jetlagged because I am now home. Its weird sleeping in a soft bed and there being a chill in the air. It doesn't feel real. To be honest I'm still not feeling much of anything. Reality will set in about the time jetlag wears off and I'll fully comprehend what is happening. To be honest, it feels like 8 years ago all over again in many many ways.
David is still in the ICU though they may move him out in the next day or two. The surgery went well, all things considering, and he's resting and healing. The doctors weren't able to get the tentacles of the brain tumor out though the larger mass was removed so that the most life threatening issue is taken care of for the moment. The doctor said it looks cancerous even though a test has not yet been run on the tumor. Doctor's don't say things like that unless they are sure. We do not know yet what type of tumor or cancer it may be but we should know relatively soon. While David is awake and coherent for the most part I'm not sure that he understands that they weren't able to get it all. He will know soon.
As for me, I have not yet fallen apart though I'm sure it will happen eventually. As for now I'm just going forward doing the next right thing. I'll be getting a cellphone sometime today and will text people once I have my new number. I'll be at the hospital for the bulk of the day and will be at a meeting tonight. The last time Dave was going through this my addiction was really just beginning. This time around I have the opportunity to be present and aware. No one said it would be easy, just that i wouldn't have to do it alone.
I'm grateful for the hundreds of people praying, the support from family and friends and the love I feel from around the world as my family goes through this time. We are abundantly loved and cared for. For now I'm going to attempt a few more hours of sleep and then a short jog in the morning. Love you guys so much.
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