What we learn on the journey is often more important that what we intended to learn by the journey's end. True story. The things we learn on the way to learning other things is probably more important than anything else. Let me explain.
At Bryn Athyn College (my awesome alma mater) I learned epic amounts of communication skills. If it was learning how to explain that my sermons weren't sermons but "talks" (god forbid a woman preach) or creating petitions for equal rights or creating a mentor program on top of a new club... I had to learn how to communicate with the same people over and over who adored me on some issues and were annoyed with me on others. I learned how to put personalities aside for the sake of principles... the issues I fought for weren't about me they were about the people I was trying to serve. I had to put aside my own anger, frustration and fears in order to get what I needed from the people in charge. This learning experience taught me how to communicate effectively, how to manipulate only when necessary and how to not be afraid to address my issues to authority figures (after all, what it boils down to is that we are all human).
Today I used those skills to express my needs at Warm Heart, to let my boss know where I was at and what I'd need in order to be effective. When it was all said and done I can honestly say that the conversation was probably the most productive communication I've had in a long while. I'm realizing that instead of stewing in my shit sometimes I just need to say a prayer and push forward. I also realize that communicating with my boss might be easy enough and getting what I need is only a conversation away. What isn't so easy is communicating with the Thai government. This conversation went from communicating my needs to him communicating to me the reality of the situation.
Let me explain. If you've been reading my blog then we are all familiar with Mr. Manat. On many levels Mr. Manat is kind and endearing and is at least attempting to do something different. Yet, on many levels, him and his department are still very much thai. They not only believe that soccer will help kids off yabaa (meth) they also have no desire to learn different. In thailand the success of a program and its leaders is determined by the two simple measures: did you plan and implement the program AND did you spend the budget. Thats it. So, if they know that kids are addicted to yabaa the program no longer becomes about playing soccer and spending the budget. The program becomes about getting kids to stop using yabaa... the measures of success now have changed from running a simple program and spending money to the success being about whether fewer kids are doing yabaa or not... a scary measure. Getting kids off yabaa ain't no joke.
This is inherently the problem. This is a nation where saving face and hididng the problem in name of a good reputation rules. Success and plaques and recognition are more important than how much money you have in the bank there is no hope of starting a program that has huge potential to fail. REALITY: People will save face and reputations and they will keep their recognition and the children will die. They will die. Yabaa is not a joke. It is not funny. It does not go away with a damned soccer game. As my boss tells me this reality I can see the frustration-- we are not only fighting a culture that turns a blind eye... we are fighting people who are more concerned with honor, reputation and gain then they are with their children living a good life.
For sure not everyone is like this. For sure there are many who want change. But for this volunteer the sadness is epically awful. A few of you have asked "I don't know how you're there" and my response is that I don't know how i could NOT be here. How could I be anywhere else? They build their reputations and children die. It seems as Warm Heart got their hands on a woman like me that doesn't give two shits and a rats ass about reputation.... so what do we do? Where is the solution? In a place where our stability and presence in Phrao is only as good as our relationships with the Mr. Manats of the world how do we become an effective force? We disregard the rules of the game... we do things the sneaky manipulative way (for the greater good of course).
We'll help Mr. Manat. We'll do everything we can to lend our support while allowing him to be fully in charge and allowing him to gain all the "recognition" of the program. And very quietly in the southern side of the district where village life and poverty and tons of alcohol and yabaa reign we will slowly begin to love a population of the unloved. We'll accept them no matter what. We'll take 'em in and have them help us clean up the building we'll be using (lord knows they got nothing else to do) and we will slowly and calmly move in and do what we do best... we'll offer them a warm heart.
We're currently about $500 short of the budget needs to fix up the building we'll be using for the program (it will house a preschool program, trainings for those of disabilities and the teen program I'm working on as well). If you'd like to be a part of the process feel free to lend your encouragement and aid through monetary donations. They are tax deductible and can be made at www.warmheartworldwide.org Thanks for reading,
Love & Rice,
Hannah
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