Or maybe its that you start making them better for yourself. I'm not sure. But eventually the emotional outbursts in your car when your brother's favorite song comes on radio decrease, and the fights with the fiance settle, and the horrible night mares subside into dreams of just being late everywhere you go. Your dog cuddles a little more often, the bills get paid with a little more ease, you don't feel like you have to fight the earth's gravity just to smile. You start to dream again of degrees and cars and babies and weddings. You start to bake again. You start to do those things that bring you joy and you aren't so scared that they'll just be ripped away from you again. You start to feel good like you once felt. It seems so long ago since you felt it you're not quite sure if that's what you're even feeling.
That moment when someone you only kinda-sorta know asks you how you're doing and you don't cringe. When you say "good" and you aren't mad at yourself for having to lie just to save a little face and not cry on a stranger's shoulder. When you say "fine" and you realize you mean it and there is a wave of relief in just a simple greeting where you're saying how you're really feeling and not making the person feel uncomfortable with "I'm kind of shitty today actually, how are you?"
There is the realization that it won't last. That getting back to good will pass and eventually you will get back to shit again. Everything passes. Everything changes. Everything moves. But it is the knowledge that today at least, you woke up feeling ok. You're not afraid of the day or what it might hold, you don't look at tomorrow with dread, you don't think the world is out to get you (at least not today it's not) and you realize... you're back to good. And, while you're far from some incredulous happiness or the ease of not having a speck of anxiety you are good. Good.
