I can be overwhelmed with the simplicity of my life. Perhaps
this is because just a short time ago my life was so complicated. I think back
to school—working, class, homework, meetings, chapel, peer listeners, active
minds and stepwork plus a social life and trying to date and attempting to
remain “balanced”. I laugh at that concept now. Balance had nothing to do with
it. But it was mine and it was beautiful for a time.
Going back to philly, Bryn Athyn and Quakertown has me in a
reminiscent mood. Seeing some old faces and missing out on others, reconnecting
with those I wish I’d had near me during my grieving process and learning where
everyone was in their life… it was beautiful and hectic. Taking the boyfriend
with me and learning how to travel as a pair (the first time I’ve done that
with anyone since 2001) had its own challenges too. Overall though it was
exactly what it needed to be. It was pleasant and emotional and it had me
longing for home.
Longing for Home. Such a weird statement. The entire time I
was in Philadelphia I kept having weird moments where I didn’t know if I was in
GA or PA. I’ve never visited the state of PA. I’ve always just lived there. I
would turn on the news and they’d be talking about the crime wave or some other
nonsense and I’d think to myself Why is
Atlanta playing news about Philadelphia. Wrapping my head around the fact
that I was visiting a place I’ve known as home was actually difficult. And yet,
by the end of the trip I was longing for humid and hot Hall County, GA.
Home has a way of shifting for me I suppose. It always has.
But it’s so wonderful to know that I missed this place. I missed the weather
and my cute little old trailer by the lake and my fat cat and my nice little
office where I work at my nice wonderful job. Going into work today was a
relief. Back to my schedule, back to my normal, back to simplicity. My days are
no longer packed in thirty minute increments like they were in college. They
are planned in long swaths of time full of work, puzzling, reading and writing.
There are meetings and time with Tate and sponcees and stepwork but compared to
the times past my life today is a vacation.
A wise dude told me that it’s good to rest but to be careful
that I not become complacent. He’s right and I know it. Driving home tonight I
realize that Georgia may be home but I still miss preaching. I realize that my heart
is still in communicating the ancient words in a way that the modern kid can
understand the framework of a spiritual path that can seem complicated but is
rather easy. It would be nice to fill that niche somewhere. Just for today, I
keep my simplicity but look for ways to expand within it. I do not have to save the world-- but if the opportunity rises I won't turn it down.
